


i wanna be your everything

by earthtoyamaguchi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:41:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27386608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthtoyamaguchi/pseuds/earthtoyamaguchi
Summary: Kei was sure this was one thing that was consistent. He was positive that if anything happened, he would have Yamaguchi’s friendship above all else.He can’t help but wonder if things are about to fall apart.————Or, Kei and Tadashi have been dancing around each other for at least four years. Kei doesn’t know what to do about it.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 160





	1. the trip

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first fic and pretty self indulgent soooo if there comes a time where i don’t update for a while please be nice!! i love these two so hopefully this fic does them justice!! have fun reading :D
> 
> forgot to add this so i’m adding it now,,,, title is from chloe moriondo’s song manta rays!! it’s a song that i associate with them v much,,,, give it a listen

There is a creek that runs parallel to Kei’s house. It’s small, and a little sad, but Kei and Yamaguchi used to visit it everyday. Kei would bring a notebook and a pencil, Yamaguchi would bring a jar, and they would inspect beetles and cicadas, writing down as much as they could before letting them go. 

When it was raining, they promised their parents that they would be extra careful and went out, even more excited than on sunny days. The rain promised worms, and tadpoles, and the scent of mud and wet leaves.

Kei associates rainy days with the squelch of yellow rain boots against wet dirt, and the scrunching of his nose at the way the worms wriggled in Yamaguchi’s hands. Kei didn’t really like getting his hands dirty. He was only ever there for the research. 

The sound of four shoes hitting wet concrete brings him back. Yamaguchi, ever-present beside him, does nothing to ease the saccharine feeling that rain presents. Yamaguchi shifts his umbrella. It bumps against Kei’s. 

“Do you think that it rains on other planets?”

Kei tilts his head, looking at Yamaguchi from the corner of his eye. Yamaguchi’s gaze is aimed skyward. His umbrella moves back, letting drops of water land on the bridge of his freckled nose. 

“It rains on other planets, just not water. Apparently, diamonds fall like hail on Saturn.”

Yamaguchi hums an impressed sound. “If there are aliens on Saturn, they must be rich.”

“If they would survive stones falling from the sky in the first place. And if diamonds hold the same value on Saturn that they do on Earth.”

“You’re right, Tsukki. Maybe they treat diamonds like you treat that old rock collection on your desk.”

“I treat those rocks with the utmost care.”

Yamaguchi snickers. “Whatever you say, Tsukki.”

Kei maneuvers his umbrella so he can nudge Yamaguchi’s shoulder with his own. 

They both look down at their feet, silently trying to match their steps. There is no need to say anything. 

It is winter in their second year of high school, and the two of them have mastered the art of guessing what the other is thinking at any given moment. It is a result of their many years of friendship. Their relationship has been fine tuned to a science, a formula that Kei knows he can always fall back on. There are wordless agreements and running jokes that he’s sure are too vague for others to understand. Kei understands that he very possibly knows the most about Yamaguchi Tadashi. He enjoys this fact.

Kei’s mother stands with an umbrella in the driveway of his house when they arrive. “Kei! Tadashi! Get into the house before you get any more wet. I’m going out to the store, okay?” 

After an affirmative nod, the two boys run into the house, slipping off wet shoes and taking off their dumb matching backpacks and volleyball bags. It is a Tuesday, and they’re on their last week of school before winter break. They gather their things and move to Kei’s room, taking their usual spots. Yamaguchi on Kei’s bed, and Kei at his desk. 

They do their math homework, Kei occasionally sliding his desk chair to the bed to ask what Yamaguchi got for an answer. It’s mostly silent, save the scratching of pencils against paper. 

Yamaguchi’s phone chimes. He looks over at it for a second before picking it up and typing. 

“Who is it?” Kei asks.

“Just Etsuko. She says she’s coming home on Friday.” Etsuko is Yamaguchi’s older sister. She is only two years younger than Akiteru, which makes her four years older than Kei and Yamaguchi. The time that the Tsukishima and Yamaguchi families spend together has brought all members closer together. “Has Akiteru said anything to you?”

“Not that I know of.” They both look at Kei’s phone. As if on cue, it dings.

“They’re probably plotting something,” Kei mumbles. Yamaguchi laughs.

Kei looks at the text that has appeared on his lockscreen. 

_Message from: akiteru_

_7:03 PM - Coming home on Friday. Hehe ;)_

He reads it aloud.

“‘Winking emoticon,’” Yamaguchi mocks. Kei flicks his ankle. “They’re definitely planning something,” Yamaguchi continues, still giggling.

“Not our problem until Friday.” 

“I can’t believe that you don’t care about what our siblings will be subjecting us to.” Yamaguchi gasps dramatically. Kei flicks his ankle a second time. Yamaguchi swats him, grinning.

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

The next day brings a cold, cloud free sky. The bright blue reflects in every puddle Kei and Yamaguchi pass on their way to school. When Hinata and Kageyama quite literally run into them, Kei regrets looking down. 

Yamaguchi just barely catches him by his sleeve. Kei rights himself and adjusts his glasses. “Well, if it isn’t Idiot 1 and Idiot 2. What are you guys doing?”

“Racing,” Kageyama answers, as straightforward as always. 

Yamaguchi nods solemnly. “Should’ve known.” 

Hinata hops in place. “I won!” Before Kageyama can say anything contradictory, he goes on, “Kageyama and I are going to Sakanoshita after school today. Do you want to come?”

“Sure!” Yamaguchi agrees, expertly cutting Kei off from saying no.

Kei would be lying if he said that he was not friends with Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio. All of the second years have grown incredibly since their first day at Karasuno, and Kei is no exception. To say that the four boys are the same as they were when they met in the park so long ago would be a blatant falsity. This does not mean Kei will not deny the fact, though. 

They move through the halls, Yamaguchi waving hello to his acquaintances in the hallway, and Kei keeping to himself. Yamaguchi is a warm presence beside him. His headphones stay around his neck. 

Yamaguchi has grown since last year, too. He is still the pinch server for Karasuno, and his serves only get better. He’s won them many games and practice matches. Yamaguchi’s demeanor has changed, too. He holds himself a little higher and helps people out a little more. He’s just as determined, if not more, than he was last year, and everyone can see that it benefits him. 

Kei sits at his desk, bracing himself for the day.

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

Thursday passes with more rain. They keep to the walls with awnings as much as they can on the way to the club room, not really looking forward to change into shorts in this kind of weather. 

Kei’s gaze lingers on Yamaguchi’s shoulders when he changes his shirt, freckles faded slightly from the winter-induced lack of sun. 

When the two of them first started to become closer friends, Kei compared Yamaguchi’s freckles to the spots of a ladybug. Yamaguchi looked positively touched at the comment, and so Kei kept bringing it up. It eventually turned into a nickname, which was shortened to “Bug.” Kei tends to use it when he is feeling particularly affectionate, which is usually over text.

He has always liked Yamaguchi’s freckles. If he’s being honest, he still doesn’t get what Yamaguchi doesn’t like about them, even though they’ve been over it before. Yamaguchi sees them as a distasteful difference from other people, whereas Kei sees them as something to be regarded with fondness. He’s had their patterns memorized since the two of them were little kids. 

He looks away. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

“Hey, Tsukishima.”

Kei takes the ball he’s tossing to himself from the air and tilts his head toward the disembodied voice. Kageyama stares at him from across the net.

“Yes?”

“Do you ever feel like you’re not improving as much as those around you?” He asks. 

Kei isn’t sure if he should take it as a personal attack or a genuine question with Kageyama’s voice so toneless, but he decides to go with the latter. 

“Sometimes. Why?”

“I feel like Hinata is just going to keep getting better. What if I lose to him one day?”

Kei isn’t sure why Kageyama felt like the middle of practice was the best time to talk to him about his self doubts, especially with Hinata literally no more than five yards away, but he knows what Kageyama is talking about. Since last year, he’s improved his blocking skills drastically, and his motivation has gone up, but he feels like he’ll never catch up to Yamaguchi’s tenacity. 

He supposes he should be a supportive friend. He won’t be doing it without snark, though. 

“I didn’t know you had settings other than anger and stupidity,” he remarks. Kageyama glares. “But I think you’ll be fine. Who was invited to the training camp last year, again?”

“Me.”

“Correct.” Kei pauses. “Shouldn’t you be talking to Hinata about this?” 

Kageyama glares again. He stalks off. Kei raises an eyebrow. He feels a tug on the back of his sweater. 

“What was that about?” Yamaguchi asks, leaning on his shoulder. 

“I sincerely don’t know. I don’t think I’ll ever understand those two.” 

“They’re certainly…” Yamaguchi searches for an adjective. “enigmatic.”

“Precisely.”

Ukai and Ennoshita eye him and Yamaguchi pointedly from across the gym. Kei moves to start tossing the ball in his hands between himself and Yamaguchi. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

They go to Sakanoshita after practice with the whole team. Nishinoya talks animatedly with Tanaka, something about how funny they claim themselves to be, from what Kei can hear. He walks next to Yamaguchi, as always, and Yamaguchi converses with Hinata. 

The sun has disappeared below the mountains in the distance, and Kei is tired from practice. He wonders what is bound to happen tomorrow, when both Akiteru and Etsuko come to visit. Both siblings are kind and generally gentle people, but they have major mischievous sides. Kei knows that it’s why they get along so well. He tunes into Yamaguchi and Hinata’s conversation.

“...Kageyama?” Yamaguchi says, questioning. 

“He was pulled back by some girl, he told me not to wait for him,” Hinata answers. When Kei looks over, his face is hurt and casual all at once. Yamaguchi frowns when he sees the same thing. 

“It was probably nothing,” Yamaguchi offers. 

“No, it was probably something. It happened a few times last year and it’s already happened twice this year. Probably another confession.”

Yamaguchi cocks his head, most likely trying to figure out what’s off about Hinata’s tone of voice. 

Hinata’s always worn his heart on his sleeve, from what Kei has seen. It is odd to see him try to hide something. Kei can tell that Yamaguchi is having the same train of thought. 

When Yamaguchi’s eyes widen for a second, Kei knows that he gets whatever this is. Kei is still lost. 

“Hinata, the girls that like him have nothing to do with what he thinks of you. Really, when has he ever even considered accepting one of the confessions he’s gotten? He probably thinks that they’ll hold him back from being the best on the court, or something.”

Hinata hums, contemplating.

“Plus,” Yamaguchi adds, “you make him better. None of those girls can do what you do.” 

Kei still does not see the correlation between the girls that confess to Kageyama and Hinata, but-

“Hey, you three, do you want meat buns or not?” Ennoshita stands on the front step of Sakanoshita with the authority of the captain he is, the first years and the rest of the third years on the team having gone into the store already. 

“Yeah!” Hinata runs into the store, but Kei catches a glimpse of a look in his big eyes that seems overwhelmingly familiar. 

Yamaguchi touches his shoulder lightly and walks after Hinata, leaving Kei to follow. He does, staring at the dark sky for a moment before moving over the metal threshold and into the fluorescent lights. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

Yamaguchi plays Animal Crossing on his 3DS. Kei reads a book. They are sitting on Yamaguchi’s bed, waiting for the arrival of Akiteru and Etsuko. Both of their mothers are down the hall, in the kitchen chatting and eating a snack. Kei can hear them laugh every other minute. 

The walls of Yamaguchi’s room are a muted green. They create a calmness that Kei’s white walls do not provide. Yamaguchi’s room is a messy and familiar place. It is one of Kei’s favorites. 

Yamaguchi’s freckled hand plays with a loose thread on his bedspread. His mouth occasionally forms little oh’s and gasps. The freckles on his cheeks shift with them. Kei guesses he is fishing. It is the only thing he hasn’t mastered in the game. 

Kei does not know when his attention shifted from his book to Yamaguchi’s face. He looks down again, only to hear the creak of the front door opening and two loud voices. 

He figures it is only a matter of seconds until either the door to Yamaguchi’s room is opened, or their names are called. Kei and Yamaguchi stare at the far wall, waiting. 

It ends up being the former. The clicking sound of the handle being turned makes both of them turn their heads. Etsuko and Akiteru’s faces appear in doorway, and they look momentarily perturbed at the sight of the two boys staring back at them. 

“Etsy!” Yamaguchi says, tossing his 3DS at the foot of the bed and hopping off of it. He grabs Kei’s sleeve while he does so, knowing he probably won’t leave the comfort of the bed if he can help it. Kei is effectively pulled with him. 

“My dear, dear Kei and Tadashi,” Akiteru says, moving to hug Kei before he can dodge him. Etsuko hugs Yamaguchi. When both siblings let go, they take a step back at the same time, and stand like proud parents. 

“They’re really making this showy, huh, Tadashi?” Kei stage whispers. Kei really only refers to him by his first name when they’re alone or when they’re with family. 

Yamaguchi smirks. “They really are,” he whispers back. 

“Oh, hush, you two. Come out of your cave and interact with your families for once, ‘kay?” Etsuko says. She and Akiteru smile, then walk to the hall, expecting to be followed. 

“This will probably be anticlimactic,” Kei says. 

Yamaguchi beams. “Only one way to find out!”

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

The six of them sit in the living room. The mothers continue to chat. Tsukishima Akasuki and Yamaguchi Hisa have been friends as long as Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi have. When their sons became friends, they immediately clicked. They were both single mothers of two similarly aged children, and their personalities fit together in a way that friends’ personalities should. 

Hisa is gentle and kind, with a cheeky and bold side that definitely passed on into Etsuko and Tadashi. She has the same freckles that Tadashi and Etsuko have, with the same dark and unruly hair. Akasuki is the same gentle mother figure, with a little more of a kick. She’s unpredictable in every way that makes a childhood fun and unexpected. Kei admires her greatly. 

The Yamaguchi and Tsukishima families are a match made with the intent of a perfect harmony. The voices that fill the room are voices that Kei has known for most of his life, voices that are home to him.

Yamaguchi is warm against his side. They are sitting in the absolutely gigantic arm chair next to the television. They had fallen into the position after Etsuko and Akiteru’s fawning (“Your hair has gotten so long, Kei!” “Have you gotten taller in the past few months, Tadashi?”). Yamaguchi’s fingers tap on Kei’s hand in a repetitive rhythm. 

Kei checks the time. “Seventeen minutes and still nothing has been said,” he notes quietly.

Yamaguchi looks at him. “You’re right, Tsukki.”

Kei’s mother suddenly says, “Okay, listen up, kids.”

Everyone turns to her. They look excited. 

“There’s something that we don’t know,” Kei guesses, adjusting his glasses. Yamaguchi stops his rhythmic tapping to listen. 

“Ding ding ding!” Kei’s mother exclaims. “We have discussed taking a family trip!”

Despite what he’s led most people to believe, Kei does not hate these trips. They’ve been taking them since Yamaguchi and he were ten years old, and they would go to amusement parks, to the beach, to cabins, and attractions. They haven’t done one in at least a year and a half, which would explain why everyone looks so excited. Kei thinks that they might be going to a cabin, because of the weather. 

He turns out to be right. Yamaguchi’s mother adds on by saying that they will be leaving on Sunday, and that they will be there for three days. 

Etsuko and Akiteru seem especially excited, probably because Etsuko is away at college, and Akiteru works, which leaves little time for family. They take any time they get. 

After they eat dinner, The Tsukishimas take the short drive home in Akiteru’s car. Kei helps Akiteru get unpacked, then goes to bed himself. 

While lying in the dark, he thinks of Hinata and Kageyama, and the conversation that happened the day before in front of Sakanoshita. What could possibly leave Hinata so disheartened?

Unless-

“Oh,” Kei says, softly. The darkness swallows his realization. His hand searches his nightstand for his phone, and he opens it to text Yamaguchi.

_To: tadashi_

_12:14 AM - hinata and kageyama like each other_

Kei waits for an answer. He’s unable to reason why this seems so important to him. 

_From: tadashi_

_12:16 AM - go to bed, tsukki !! but yeah, they like each other_

_From: tadashi_

_12:16 AM - you didn’t notice ?_

Kei thinks he might’ve. There was something in Hinata’s eyes. Something in the way Kageyama said Hinata’s name. 

_To: tadashi_

_12:17 AM - i don’t know_

_To: tadashi_

_12:17 AM - goodnight, tadashi_

_From: tadashi_

_12:17 AM - night night tsukki_

Kei puts his phone back on its charger. He simultaneously wants to smash something and cry. He does not know why. He ignores his impulses and turns over under his cover. 

Sleep floats him out of consciousness. 


	2. a realization of sorts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had fun with this one,,,,

The rain still hasn’t let up by the time Kei wakes on Saturday. 

_To: tadashi_

_8:27 AM - creek?_

Yamaguchi has never been an early riser. He sleeps until he cannot escape the sunlight coming in through his blinds. His sister must have woken him, because Kei gets a text back only half an hour later. 

_From: tadashi_

_9:12 AM - sorry tsukki !! meet me in fifteen ?_

_To: tadashi_

_9:13 AM - of course, bug_

Akiteru is not awake yet, so Kei eats something quickly and leaves the house. Yamaguchi tends to leave his house in a rush, only to be early to whatever he’s going to, so Kei makes sure to be a little early to accommodate him. 

Organization is what Kei does best. He plans out his days before he goes to bed, and carries out his schedule with impeccable accuracy. Yamaguchi is more likely to ask to hang out on rainy days, so Kei makes sure to check the forecast. 

Kei likes to think of his head as an office, almost. He can file thoughts into categories in a file cabinet. He can place memories or things he needs to memorize on a desk, something that he sees all the time from his place in a desk chair. Unwanted emotions are flowers put in vases on a shelf behind him. Sometimes, he will turn around, and one will fall and shatter. It only takes a touch to break glass. 

Endearment is not necessarily one of these feelings. 

Seeing Yamaguchi with his obnoxiously yellow rain boots gets put on the desk of his mind, foremost in his array of science facts, history facts, and math equations. The feeling of adoration that comes with the image is something he is not sure if he should put on his shelf, or leave on his desk. 

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi waves. He does not have an umbrella. 

“You don’t have an umbrella.”

“I know, Tsukki. Etsy forgot hers, and she and my mom are running to the store to get things for the trip, so I let her take mine.”

“You’re going to get wet.”

“Wetter than I already am?” 

He makes a good point. His bangs are already plastered to his forehead, even under the hood of his unzipped rain jacket. 

Kei wordlessly holds his own umbrella out for Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi makes an amused sound. 

“You know I’m not gonna take it.”

Kei sighs. “I know.” 

He closes the umbrella, thanking his past self for putting on a sweater he was not going to pack for the trip, and mourns the loss of his clear sight when raindrops start falling on his glasses. 

A distorted Yamaguchi stares at him for a moment. Kei squints. 

“Can you see?” Yamaguchi asks. 

“Not really, no.”

“It’s okay. You know this path like the back of your hand, don’t you, Tsukki?”

“I wouldn’t say I know the back of my hand that well.”

“Oh, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi shakes his head like he would at a dog who will not fetch the ball no matter how many times he throws it. “You always know just what not to say.”

Kei rolls his eyes, grinning.

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

Kei shakes out his hair for the umpteenth time. Yamaguchi was not wrong, they really do know this path well. It is short, and the grass is worn out from the amount that the two of them visit. 

Kei wonders without reason if any other kids have claimed this part of the creek as their own spot, and they have just never happened to cross paths. He figures it is possible, but improbable. Yamaguchi’s phone sounds, and Kei just barely hears it over the rain and the slight trickling of the water over rocks. 

“Your phone.”

Yamaguchi turns to him, and then looks down at his pocket, abruptly losing his balance for a moment. Kei pinches his sleeve. He keeps his hold there even after Yamaguchi rights himself. 

Yamaguchi just barely manages to unlock his phone with wet fingers. Kei can see the text on the screen. 

_From: hinata shouyou_

_9:58 AM - It’s still raining!!! Do you want to come over?_

Yamaguchi and Hinata have gotten closer. They make sense to each other, Kei thinks, in the same way that Kageyama makes sense to him. They can relate. 

Yamaguchi taps out a quick answer. 

_To: hinata shouyou_

_9:59 AM - cant ! out with tsukki !!_

Kei shifts his crouching stance. The three texting dots pop up on Hinata’s side. 

_From: hinata shouyou_

_10:00 AM - Thats fine!! I was gonna ask Kageyama next. Ive been meaning to beat him in super smash bros >:))) _

_To: hinata shouyou_

_10:00 AM - gasp if you do please send me a picture of his face_

“Why would you want a picture of his face?” Kei asks. 

Yamaguchi looks at him out of the corner of his eye. 

“Would you not pay to see a picture of Kageyama’s betrayed face after being beaten in a video game by Hinata?”

Kei considers. 

“You’re right.”

_From: hinata shouyou_

_10:01 AM - THAT IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA_

Yamaguchi smiles, and puts his phone back in his pocket, carefully shielding the device from the rain with his arm. 

Kei had, frankly, forgotten about last night’s thoughts. He now knows that Hinata and Kageyama’s relationship has romantic connotations. He doesn’t necessarily want to know the details of their interactions. 

Kei thinks back to when Sawamura Daichi and Sugawara Koushi were on the volleyball team. He remembers thinking their relationship odd, the way that they were so comfortable around each other, and yet still wary of the other in ways that he did not understand. Kei wonders if they, too, had romantic feelings for each other. 

He knows he is an intuitive person when it comes to reading the people around him, but that is limited to the way that they act in certain situations. He knows that there are reasons as to why they act like this, but he’s never bothered to try to figure them out. 

Kei and Yamaguchi have probably been beating around the bush since they were 13. Kei identified his own feelings as romantic when the first thought of kissing Yamaguchi to distract him from his 3DS decided to pop into his head in their first year of junior high. From the increased blushes and stutters on Yamaguchi’s end, Kei guesses that he figured it out at around the same time. 

Four years later, and still they refuse to acknowledge the fact that there is something more than friendship between them. 

Suddenly, Kei cannot fathom why. 

He now wants to know why Sawamura and Sugawara danced around each other. Are Hinata and Kageyama doing the same thing? Why don’t they just state what they know to be true outright? Really, who could it hurt? If it does hurt them, would the damage be permanent? Why has it taken him this long to think about these things? Maybe-

“Tsukki, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi drags out the syllables. He is standing. 

Kei looks up at him, still crouching, with raindrops still obscuring his sight. He must have an interesting expression on his face, because Yamaguchi tilts his head when he sees it. 

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” Kei stands and walks ahead. He doesn’t hear Yamaguchi's boots squelching for a few seconds, but he catches up after a moment. 

Raindrops from Kei’s hair fall into his eyes. He blinks. Yamaguchi uses the hand that is not in his pocket to move Kei’s bangs from his forehead. Etsuko was right, his hair has gotten long. They continue to walk back. 

He utilizes the file cabinet in his brain to store his train of thought away for later. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

_To: sugawara koushi_

_12:32 PM - did you and sawamura-san have any romantic interest in each other last year?_

_To: sugawara koushi_

_12:32 PM - sorry for the sudden question, i hope you’re doing well_

Kei knows that it is probably stupid to contact someone he hasn’t talked to in months about a subject as abrupt as crushes, but he’s sure that has “stupid” never stopped anyone before. Surprisingly, he gets an answer in under five minutes. 

_From: sugawara koushi_

_12:35 PM - tsukishima!! you’re absolutely right, you never reach out, and that’s a very weird question, but i will answer it anyways!_

Kei supposes he should expect nothing less from Sugawara. 

_From: sugawara koushi_

_12:36 PM - daichi and i are actually dating, which i thought was obvious, we got together right at the end of last year, just before graduation. but we were totally ignoring the crushes we had on each other for all of high school_

This makes sense. 

_From: sugawara koushi_

_12:36 PM - why do you ask?_

Kei thinks that’s a great question. He would gladly answer it if he knew the reason himself. 

_To: sugawara koushi_

_12:37 PM - just a random thought_

_From: sugawara koushi_

_12:37 PM - well, if you have any other random thoughts, feel free to ask about them. hinata is the only one of you i still talk to D:_

Kei did not know this.

_From: sugawara koushi_

_12:38 PM - it only makes sense to keep in touch with your former senpai :))))_

_To: sugawara koushi_

_12:38 PM - i’ll try_

_To: sugawara koushi_

_12:39 PM - thank you, sugawara-san_

_From: sugawara koushi_

_12:40 PM - ;D_

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

After that, Kei gathers as much information as he can. In the hour following, he finds out that Akaashi Keiji, the setter from Fukurodani, is dating Bokuto Koutarou, their old wing spiker. Kuroo Tetsurou from Nekoma realized his very obvious feelings for their setter, Kozume Kenma. Sawamura and Sugawara got together. Hinata and Kageyama are already there, or are close to it. 

These pairings were all bound to end up where they are, Kei thinks. When your relationship has been fine tuned to a science, a formula that you know you can always fall back on, what else can happen? You stay lifelong friends, strong for the other in every situation, or your bond evolves into one that is much more than friendship. 

Kei is not stupid. He might have been a bit obtuse about his and Yamaguchi’s relationship over the past years, though. 

Rainwater pitter-patters against his bedroom window.

He imagines the things he associates with rainy days. He is reminded of Yamaguchi and his ridiculous yellow rain boots, sitting in plain sight on the desk of Kei’s mind. 

Kei was sure this was one thing that was consistent. He was positive that if anything happened, he would have Yamaguchi’s friendship above all else. _Will this stay the same if I were to take things further?_

He can’t help but wonder if things are about to fall apart. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

He finds Akiteru in the kitchen. 

“He-eyyy,” Akiteru’s tone turns downward at the end of the word. “You okay?”

Kei stares at him. “Yes. Why?”

Akiteru squints. He opens his mouth as if to say something, then apparently thinks better of it.

“No reason. Oh— you should start packing.” He checks his phone for the time. 

Kei nearly forgot about getting ready for the trip. He idly wonders what happened to the orderly manner of his brain office.

“Talk about organized,” he muses. 

“What?” Akiteru asks. 

“Nothing. I’m going to go pack.”

In his bedroom, the rain still patters against the window. Kei’s white walls seem obtrusively too bright for the weather outside. 

Distantly, he hears a vase crack. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y’all enjoyed!! :D


	3. hot chocolate for two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can we all just take a moment to appreciate that one scene of tadashi sleeping in the training camp eps. i love him

The sky is mostly clear on Sunday. There are a few distant clouds, but other than that, the sky sports a bright blue. 

Yamaguchi’s mother has one of the cars that has extra seats in the back, so all six of them fit in the same car. Kei and Yamaguchi claimed the far back seats, and Yamaguchi is currently sprawled across the bench with his legs across Kei’s knees and his back against the car wall. 

Kei has kneed Akiteru’s seat at least four times in the past hour. He keeps making horrible jokes and trying to play road trip games. 

“Okay, what about 21 questions?” He asks. Their mothers in the front have been laughing at everything he suggests. They laugh more. 

“We’ve all known each other for a decade. I am positive that there is not much we do not know about each other,” Kei points out, tone tepid. 

“Are you sure?” Etsuko turns around and wiggles her eyebrows. 

“That is not convincing.”

Yamaguchi looks up from his phone. “Let’s play!”

Kei looks at him for a second. “Fine.”

Akiteru gasps dramatically, spinning around in his seat. “You would give in to Tadashi and not me?”

Kei levels him with a stare. “Yes.”

“I’ll start!” Etsuko says. “Tadashi, do you have a girlfriend?”

Yamaguchi looks mock-offended at the idea. “I think you’d know if I had a girlfriend.” 

Etsuko giggles. “Seventeen years old and he hasn’t dated one person.”

“Neither has Kei,” Akiteru mentions. 

“Are we not all single in this car?” Kei asks. He ignores the heat rising in his face. 

“You are sadly correct. I’ve got no one to get it on with.” Akiteru shakes his head. 

Kei tugs on Yamaguchi’s pant leg. “It’s tragic. It’s tragic that I’m related to him.”

Yamaguchi rolls his eyes. “So dramatic, Tsukki.”

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

The cabin is fairly large. It has four bedrooms, and big windows. You can see the tall trees outside. Kei likes the shadows that they make against the wood floor. 

Kei and Yamaguchi are to sleep in one of the rooms with the twin beds. Akiteru and Etsuko will sleep in the other. Their mothers will sleep in the other two rooms. 

Kei leads the way to their room. Yamaguchi follows him, his packed bag hoisted over one shoulder. 

“Oh, Tsukki, look! There’s a heater.”

Kei glances over and nods. There is a window next to the bed that he has claimed, and the landscape outside is grassy and covered in small patches of white ice. He guesses that the earlier rain for them, down the mountains, turned into snow up where they are now. The dark clouds in the distance have gotten closer since the beginning of their drive, and they promise more snow, probably at night. 

Yamaguchi flops down on his own bed, bag abandoned on the floor. Kei leaves his place at the window to drop his own bag, then lays himself horizontally over Yamaguchi’s midsection. Yamaguchi gives a soft “hmph.”

“It’ll probably snow tomorrow.”

Kei does not need to look to see Yamaguchi smiling. 

“Rain boots, rain boots,” he says. 

Kei smiles. “What is it with you and those rain boots, Tadashi?”

“There’s just something about them, you know?”

“I don’t, actually.”

Yamaguchi clicks his tongue. “You always get your socks wet because you never wear rain boots. Think about it.”

Kei rolls his eyes. “I don’t like the sound they make.”

“That’s not true,” Yamaguchi claims. “Whenever I wear my rain boots, you smile.”

Kei turns his head to look at him. Yamaguchi is already looking back. Kei smirks. 

“Is that so?”

Yamaguchi’s freckles now contrast the soft pink that tints his cheeks. He does not falter. 

“Yes.”

Kei turns his head back, looking at the floor once more. 

“You always have,” Yamaguchi continues. 

“How interesting.”

“Do you two want some food?” someone yells from the kitchen. 

“Be there in a sec!” Yamaguchi calls back. 

Kei rolls off of Yamaguchi’s legs and onto the floor. Yamaguchi laughs at his antics. 

“Do you think there will be enough for a snowman?” he asks. 

Kei hums. “I’m not sure. A small one, at least.”

They sit down at the dining table and Yamaguchi’s mother places a plate of rice balls in front of them. Kei thanks her and grabs one. He takes a bite. 

“We should make one,” Yamaguchi says, reaching for his own. 

Kei swallows. “We’ll put a scarf on it,” he says. 

“And sunglasses!” Yamaguchi adds. 

Kei raises an eyebrow. “You brought sunglasses?”

“When have I ever not brought sunglasses on a trip?”

“Those trips were in—“

“—summer, I know, Tsukki. It’s a habit by now, probably.”

“You two are the weirdest,” Etsuko says, swooping in to claim a rice ball for herself. 

Etsuko and Akiteru often call them weird, or tell them they must have a telepathic connection, because they always seem to know what the other is thinking. 

Kei flicks a piece of rice at her. Yamaguchi follows suit. Etsuko yelps, and runs back to where she, Kei’s mom, and Akiteru were sitting on the couch. 

Yamaguchi laughs. Kei smiles. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

_Kei is in his room. Black and red paint his formerly white walls. He feels cold._

_The walls fall away and it is raining. He is looking for something. What is he looking for?_

_The rain falls in repeated patterns of spirals and spheres. That shouldn’t be possible._

_Faceless people walk in couples around him. They have umbrellas, and Kei feels alone. Why doesn’t he have an umbrella? He was sure he brought one. He looks around frantically._

_Yamaguchi’s rain boots are in front of him, in the distance. That’s what Kei was looking for. He doesn’t need them though, does he?_

_Does he?_

_He needs Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi comes with his rain boots. Kei runs toward the rain boots, but they disappear. They are behind him. Kei knows they must be behind him. He keeps running. He does not know where he’s running to, or what he’s running from, anymore. He is only running._

_Yamaguchi’s rain boots reappear, right at his feet, and he trips._

_The rain stops._

Kei wakes. He does not know how to make sense of what he just dreamt. 

It is 1:37 AM and Yamaguchi is not in his bed. Kei stares at the ceiling for a moment before throwing the cover off of himself and standing up. 

The kitchen light is on. It casts a dim orange glow over the doorway. Kei rubs at his eyes and walks in the direction of the light. 

Yamaguchi stands with the box of hot chocolate packets in one hand, and his phone in the other. His thumb moves swiftly across the screen. 

“Hey, Tadashi,” Kei says softly. 

Yamaguchi startles. He looks up, and relaxes at the sight of a probably tired-looking Kei. 

“Hi, Tsukki.”

“Who are you texting?”

“Hinata.” Yamaguchi places the box of hot chocolate packets on the counter, and moves to turn on the stove for the tea kettle. 

“He’s awake?” Kei knows that Hinata usually goes to bed at a reasonable time, though he supposes they are on break.

“Said he couldn’t sleep.”

“Do you want some?” Yamaguchi asks. 

“Hot chocolate?” 

“No, Tsukki. Drugs,” Yamaguchi replies earnestly. 

Kei snorts. “Just give me the hot chocolate.”

Yamaguchi pours two mugs from the cabinet full of hot water. He tears open the packs of hot chocolate and sprinkles them into the cups. 

Kei grabs two spoons from the drawer at his hips, and takes the handle of the mug Yamaguchi hands him. He mixes its contents. 

Kei stares at Yamaguchi. “Couldn’t sleep?” 

He already knows the answer. Yamaguchi tends to have a hard time falling asleep in new places. This is one of the many things Kei knows about him that other people do not. 

“You know how it is,” Yamaguchi says. He looks at Kei sideways. “How did you know I was awake?”

Kei shrugs. “I just woke up and saw you weren’t there. I assumed you were in the bathroom, but that’s right across the hall, and the light wasn’t on.”

“You rarely wake up in the middle of the night.”

“Rarity does not equal impossibility,” Kei states. 

Yamaguchi still looks skeptical. 

Kei does not look at him. “You have your rain boots, right?”

“It was implied that I do, yes.”

“Good.” Kei looks towards one of the windows. “Think we could get them on the snowman you want to build?”

“I really don’t know how we’d manage that, Tsukki.”

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

No more than four hours later, Kei is startled awake by the sound of his phone ringing. The caller ID makes about as much sense as the time. 

“It is five AM, Sugawara-san.” He leaves his bed for the second time that night, knowing Yamaguchi won’t wake up. Once he’s asleep, he is _asleep_. 

He tries to be as quiet as he can, coming to a stop in the hallway. 

“Oh, you’re right!” Sugawara sounds completely unaffected by this fact, and much too lively for this hour. “Nevermind that, you like Yamaguchi!”

Despite the circumstances, Kei is at least glad that Sugawara has just figured it out. He was afraid it was obvious. 

There’s no use denying it now, though. “Why, exactly, is this relevant?” 

“It’s why you were asking me if Daichi and I were dating! You want to get with Yamaguchi!”

Kei doesn’t really like the way that he worded it, but he’s not _wrong_. 

“Tell me, was it necessary to call when you could have just texted?”

“I guess not!”

“You certainly seem...excited.”

Sugawara’s tone changes to one of mock seriousness. “Young love is one of my top priorities.”

Kei shakes his head, even though Sugawara is not able to see him. “You’re only two years older than me.”

“I’m still your upperclassman.”

“We don’t go to the same school anymore.”

“The sentiment still stands, _Tsukishima_.”

“Well. I’m just going to…” Kei pulls the phone away from his ear and presses the end call button. 

He does not understand why he has to be the one subjected to Sugawara’s enthusiasm. He remembers the comment about Hinata, though, and wonders if he got the same treatment for Kageyama. 

Kei goes back into the room. Yamaguchi is drooling on the sleeve of his sweater. A socked foot peeks out from under the cover. Kei makes his way back to his bed, silently thanking every deity he can think of for the drooling, sarcastic, and awkward bundle of _Tadashi_ that is sleeping in the bed across from him. 

He weighs his options. 

He can end the tip toeing, end the weird limbo that they have settled in, the stares and the unspoken words, and they might finally achieve what he is so sure they both want. 

Or, he can wait it out, wait until both of their feelings go away, until they become “better as friends” or they drift apart, stuck in a perpetual “what if?”

The choice should be simple. It should be. So why is it so hard to make?

Kei stores away the feelings of uncertainty. Just another flower in the vase. 

Just another crack in the glass. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like kei has been harboring his feelings for so long that he mostly ignores his thoughts of kisses and hand holding and //tadashi// (apart from when he’s feeling all mushy) but i don’t know if that translates into my writing. if that bothers you guys let me know
> 
> side note! i don’t know much about dreams but i tried my best, so most of the details in kei’s dream point to his uncertainty and inability to process his feelings. i’m only projecting a little, i swear
> 
> oh also sry for posting like ten times in one day that probably won’t happen again
> 
> hope y’all enjoyed!! :D


	4. dark eyes and blue skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha ha ha haha ha

The two of them tilt their heads. 

“We tried,” Kei says. 

Their snowman stands short and squat, without a nose, and with only one arm. Yamaguchi’s scarf is bundled around its white excuse for a neck. Its pebble smile is a half frown. 

“I think he’s very handsome.” Yamaguchi pushes a drooping eye up with one finger. 

“I kindly disagree.”

Yamaguchi motions to the snowman’s face. “Look at him. He looks so innocent. So—“

Yamaguchi is cut off by a snowball hitting him square in the back of the head. He turns around indignantly. Unruly hair spins with him.

Etsuko and Akiteru stand in front of the door to the cabin. Etsuko’s arm is outstretched in a throwing position, and Akiteru has a snowball at the ready. 

Kei adjusts his glasses. Ever so slowly, he lowers himself to the ground and starts to pick up snow. He keeps eye contact with Etsuko all the while. 

Akiteru has the decency to look alarmed, at least. Etsuko just seems determined. Akiteru throws the snowball already in his hand, but Kei dodges it easily. 

Without much of a need for verbal communication, Yamaguchi throws a snowball, his aim exemplary. 

Kei would expect nothing less.

As the snowball fight slowly escalates, Kei catches many glimpses of Yamaguchi’s yellow rain boots. He thinks back to his dream every time he sees them. What, exactly, was he running from? Why did he seem so apprehensive about picking up Yamaguchi’s boots? He wonders if they represent something. If they do, it’s likely that they represent Yamaguchi himself. 

He runs to, and yet runs from Yamaguchi concurrently. Why, though?

Lost in thought, he steps in Yamaguchi’s path. Yamaguchi’s snowball falls short, thrown off by the impact of running into Kei. Kei trips, and Yamaguchi falls on top of him. 

Yamaguchi looks up at him, face a light shade of red. It contrasts the white around them. “Sorry, Tsukki.”

Kei is very aware of the contrast of the freezing snow pressed against his back and the warmth of Yamaguchi pressed against his chest. 

Before Kei can say anything stupid, a lump of snow is dropped on the both of them. 

Yamaguchi shivers at the sudden cool. Kei tries not to think about it. 

Yamaguchi rolls off of him, groaning. “You play dirty, Etsy. Can you not see that we are on the ground?”

“It’s what you get for doing your weird telepathy shit.” She smiles innocently. 

“We’re not telepathic, Etsuko,” Kei says. 

“See, you say that, but you give no evidence. You make no compelling argument.” She shakes her head. 

Kei stares up at her from his position on the floor, glasses askew. She regards him for a moment, squinting exaggeratedly, before walking off to meet Akiteru on the porch. They walk inside.

Kei turns his head to find Yamaguchi staring back at him. Yamaguchi looks away. His dark eyes seem darker next to the white ice. Kei could make out constellations in his freckles if he stared for long enough. Orion, maybe, just under his left eye. Cassiopeia on his nose.

Kei turns his whole body, earlier thoughts about his dream no longer relevant. After all, if he stops running, he gets what he wants, right? Kei enjoys getting what he wants. 

“Tadashi,” Kei breathes. 

That gets Yamaguchi to look at him. 

“Tadashi,” Kei says again, unnecessarily. 

“Kei...” Yamaguchi looks hopeful, maybe. Cautious? Kei can’t quite interpret the look in his eyes, but he’s certainly seen it before.

Yamaguchi’s gaze floats downward, to Kei’s lips, probably, and Kei is not an impulsive person in the slightest, but he thinks for Yamaguchi he could be. 

He leans forward, only a little. 

Yamaguchi’s hand twitches like he wants to move it. 

A loud, boisterous laugh echoes from the open front door of the cabin, followed by a “Kei! Tadashi! Are you guys coming in?” 

Kei is pulled out of his mind. He clears his throat, and goes back to lying on his back. He knows Yamaguchi is probably staring at him with _some_ kind of look on his face, and so Kei decidedly does not look at him. 

He stands, and holds a hand out to help Yamaguchi up. 

Kei fights to release his hand when he’s off of the snowy ground. 

He ignores the nagging feeling that he just did something very, very bad. 

One more flower in the vase. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

For the remainder of the trip, there is a noticeable rise in stares and nervous blushes. Kei and Yamaguchi keep a little more distance, each wary of any boundaries they could’ve crossed. Hopefully only they can see it. 

Perhaps this is what Kei was scared of. Now they’re in even _more_ of an awkward limbo, and Kei can tell that they’re both at a loss of what to do, apart from, you know, confessing. 

Kei ponders how a confession would go. It’s nothing he hasn’t thought about before. He’s imagined it happening at one of their sleepovers, maybe when they’re doing homework. One of them might snap and just spill everything out. It’s plausible. It could happen when they’re walking home from after school practice. Kei would just go out and say it. _“I love you. I have for years. Is it the same for you?”_

Kei thinks it might be easier to just kiss him. Yamaguchi has said before that actions speak louder than words. It might be easier to kiss him, but that could seem ingenuine. Kei wants him to _know_ , though he probably already does. 

He could write an essay, just about his freckles, or maybe about his eyes. Then he’ll be able to put into words just how much he admires the freckled face that’s always stood by his side. He’s always been better at writing, not talking. 

He could make a data chart, and keep track of the amount of times he thinks of Yamaguchi per day, per hour. Whether it be spotted hands and pink fingertips, soft kisses, or a warm regard of his kindness, Yamaguchi is an everyday special on the menu of Kei’s waking mind. 

He could do all of these things, but he has caught on to the fact that he is probably something of a coward, in this sense, at least. 

Maybe it’s some underlying fear of being left behind. Maybe he thinks that speaking his feelings outright will push everyone away, even Yamaguchi, when it’s clear that he is one of the only ones that has stayed. Yamaguchi has stayed, and it is highly likely that he will stay, so surely this can’t be true. 

He wonders if it would be dumb to call his subconscious an idiot. 

_Idiotic, idiotic Kei_ , he chides himself. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

Yamaguchi sleeps for the whole ride home. The light snow turns into drizzling rain three fourths of the way down the mountain, and Kei looks out at the scenery, dark clouds hanging over a myriad of trees. 

With Yamaguchi drooling on his shoulder, Kei drifts off. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

Akiteru will be staying for the rest of winter break. Kei is informed of this once they are home and he is unpacking. He doesn’t mind. 

Kei’s view of Akiteru fell when the whole incident happened, and his trust definitely suffered, but all of that was when he was twelve. He’s grown since then, he thinks, and Yamaguchi has helped him build up what he lost when Akiteru lied. Kei understands why he did it, and he doesn’t really hold anything against him anymore. 

There is a knock on his door.

“Come in.”

Akiteru’s head appears in the crack between the door and the wall. He doesn’t say anything for a second. 

“You and Tadashi.” He closes the door behind him. 

“What?” The frames of Kei’s glasses obstruct his view. He turns his head. 

“You and Tadashi,” Akiteru repeats, as if this clears everything up. “There’s something going on between you two.”

He makes his way to Kei’s desk chair, seating himself. 

“Uh,” Kei says, intelligently. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Akiteru squints. “What is it?”

“What is what?”

“That.”

“What is ‘that?’”

“ _That.”_

“Jesus christ, Akiteru.” Kei tips his head back so it hits the headboard of his bed. 

“You’re being all…avoiding,” He amends. 

“Avoiding,” Kei parrots. 

“Yes.” Akiteru’s brown eyes search Kei’s face. 

Kei levels his gaze. “I’m not avoiding anything.”

“Ah, but you are. I can see it. _On your face_.” Akiteru points to his own face to emphasize his statement. “I won’t push, but you know I’m here to talk if you need it.” Akiteru pushes himself out of the chair. He lingers as if he wants to say more, but he slips out of the door without another word. 

Kei ponders his proposal. _Talk. If you need it._

He doesn’t. 

He supposes it is a nice sentiment, though. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

The next time Kei sees Yamaguchi, alone, at least, is the day before winter break ends. They meet at the creek, same spot as always. 

Everything is the same as always, except for the fact that it’s not. Maybe it was a gradual thing. Maybe they’ve been falling out of their orbit around each other since that fateful day in middle school. Maybe the earth will stop rotating around its axis next, and summer will come in January. Maybe Yamaguchi will lose his yellow rain boots, and Kei will look for them, only to trip on them when they’re right in front of his face. 

His thoughts come back to the dream. They’ve been doing that a lot for the past week. Kei can guess that the rain boots represent Yamaguchi himself, and him running from them even though they’re nothing but rain boots must symbolize him running from Yamaguchi even when there’s nothing he should be running from. Not objectively. 

Kei has come to a conclusion that he _is_ running for no reason. No reason that makes sense, anyway. 

It’s just Yamaguchi. He’s known Yamaguchi forever. He is a master at Yamaguchi’s idiosyncrasies. He can read him like a kids chapter book. 

Kei’s own feelings had never made sense. But when Yamaguchi came into play, someone sensitive and very outright with emotions in general, he finally got the hang of linking facial expressions to the way someone is feeling. 

He is hit again with the fact that his skills are limited to people other than himself. 

Yamaguchi is Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi would help him no matter what. Yamaguchi would not turn away like so many people do. Yamaguchi-

Kei’s phone sounds. 

He picks it up to see none other than the very _tadashi_ that has been tearing him apart for the past eternity. Kei is ready to respond to a silly text, or maybe a homework question. What he sees throws him off guard. He considers for a second, then throws his phone to the other side of his bed. 

There, lying facedown on the comforter, the screen reads:

_From: tadashi_

_10:34 PM - kei, can we talk?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pick your words carefully, tadashi. who knows how many you’ll get,,
> 
> excuse the short length and the inconsistency, it’s my history homework’s fault
> 
> hope you enjoyed !!! ;D


	5. broken glass and wilted flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who finished her history homework 😏😏
> 
> did i understand any of it? no. but STILL

The text is the start of his slow, but sure, downfall. 

He counts to sixty in his head, staring at his phone all the while. There is a halo of white light around it, on his blanket, until the screen goes dark. 

He decides to leave the room. He can eat an apple, maybe. An apple sounds good. 

The tile of the kitchen is cold, even though he has socks on. He grabs a red apple out of the fruit basket on the counter and a plate from the cabinet above the sink. 

Kei cuts the apple in halves, then into fourths. He cuts those fourths into slices, but he only gets halfway done before he nicks his finger. It’s only a small cut, but it’s too much.

“Dammit!” he yells. His hands slam down on the cool granite of the countertop.

“Kei? You alright?” his mother calls out from her room down the hall. Her voice makes him irrationally irate. 

The vase finally shatters. Pink and orange flowers lie punctured by the broken glass that litters the floor of the office in his mind. Kei wonders if they would scream, if they could. Thoughts and questions are thrown askew on the desk. By the file cabinet, the ground is bestrewn with papers and memories. 

Anger and helplessness bubble up inside of him, flooding into his actions. The flowers of his feelings wilt and droop with no container to be stored in. Their petals drift to the ground..

He’s on the floor, though he’s not quite sure when he crouched down. Tears threaten to spill over. He really does not want to cry. He knows exactly what’s happening and doesn’t get what’s happening at all at the same time. Hands that are not his push his glasses up to the top of his head. He wipes at his eyes. 

His peace of mind has been encroached upon by overgrown vines that spell out rue and distaste. He identifies them as the very emotions that he so constantly pushes down and out of his way. The memory of Yamaguchi in his rain boots is swept off of his desk, replaced by accusations of _you should have done something sooner_. 

“Kei, you gotta tell me what’s happening, honey.” His mom mirrors his position, across from him on the floor. Akiteru stands behind her. Concern pools in both pairs of honey eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” His mother asks again. 

He stares. “Nothing. Everything. I don’t,” he pauses, sniffling. “I don’t know.” 

There’s a drop of blood on his pants. His finger stings. 

“I don’t know,” he repeats frustratedly.

His mom searches his face for another moment. Kei has no idea what she’s looking for. She pulls him up off of the floor and into a hug. 

“It’s okay, it’s fine,” she says. She rubs his back. “Everything’s fine.”

He very strongly disagrees. 

She helps him, even though she doesn’t know what she’s helping him with. Perhaps it’s just her job as a mother, but she does it anyway. Kei wishes he were more like her, or Akiteru. Maybe then he’d be able to take care of all of his problems. He could think about others more, and he could do things with his heart, for once, not his head. He might be able to abandon logic without consequence. If he were more like his mom, or Akiteru, or even Yamaguchi, he wouldn’t be doing this to himself, plunging himself into overflowing pools of his own bitter and neglected emotions. 

“I don’t know what to do,” he whispers. The tears only fall faster. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

He still hasn’t answered Yamaguchi’s text when morning comes. The notification sits on his lock screen, untouched. 

_From: tadashi_

_Yesterday, 10:34 PM - kei, can we talk?_

Four innocent words. Kei could write a three page paper on why they are absolutely _not_ innocent. 

His mother stands in front of the stove when he comes to sit at the dining table. He has twenty-two minutes until he has to leave for school. He’s been counting. Morning drizzle falls outside. 

“Kei.”

Here it is. 

“Yes?”

“What happened last night?”

Kei slides his gaze over to her. She stands leaning her hip against the counter, with chopsticks in her hand. 

He could tell it all now, get it out. He could ask her for advice. He could get help. He genuinely does not remember the last time he willingly asked for help. 

“I cut my finger.” It’s not necessarily a lie. 

“You cut your finger.” She sounds completely unconvinced. He doesn’t blame her. 

“Yes.”

His mother turns back to the eggs she was cooking. “Okay, well, if you ever ‘cut your finger’ again, I’m always here to talk. Or listen. Whatever you need, ‘kay?”

Her statement only reinforces Kei's view of the people around him. It is the second time he has gotten the offer to “talk.” When has he ever told someone he was there for them? 

_Whatever you need, ‘kay?_

“Okay,” he says.

His phone gets heavier in his pocket.

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

He could avoid Yamaguchi, or he could not. He could do the thing that landed him in this mess, or he can throw himself a rope and get out. He could run, like he’s been, or he could start something new. 

_To: sugawara koushi_

_8:12 AM - how did you confess, sugawara-san?_

He gets a response quickly.

_From: sugawara koushi_

_8:13 AM - you might not wanna follow in my footsteps for this one, young tsukishima_

_To: sugawara koushi_

_8:13 AM - why?_

_From: sugawara koushi_

_8:13 AM - im not sure how else to say it,,,_

_From: sugawara koushi_

_8:13 AM - i confessed to him drunk at a party_

“Ah,” Kei says out loud. 

_To: sugawara koushi_

_8:14 AM - i see_

_From: sugawara koushi_

_8:14 AM - yeah, try not to do that_

Kei adjusts his glasses. He kind of wants to know the full story. 

_To: sugawara koushi_

_8:14 AM - how did he respond?_

_From: sugawara koushi_

_8:14 AM - he LAUGHED at me until i told him i was serious the next morning_

Kei snorts. 

_From: sugawara koushi_

_8:15 AM - i know you’re laughing at me too_

Kei rolls his eyes. 

_To: sugawara koushi_

_8:15 AM - well, at least whatever i do, i'll know i did better than you_

_From: sugawara koushi_

_8:15 AM - (・｀ヘ´・；)s_

Kei pockets his phone. While Sugawara’s story was entertaining, it helped him none. 

Yamaguchi’s text is still unread. 

Kei decides to wait one day. Only one. It will either help him out, or dig his hole even deeper. 

He promises himself he’ll make it the former. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

Yamaguchi is smart. Kei knows this. Because Yamaguchi is smart, Kei will take the regular way to school, not the long way.

He will do this because he hasn’t answered Yamaguchi’s text. Yamaguchi will figure Kei’s avoiding him, and go to confront him on the long way to school, because if Kei’s steering clear of him, it makes sense that he’s going to take the way that does not contain Yamaguchi. 

Kei has always tried to make it a habit to expect the unexpected. 

Kei knows he is being incredibly stubborn and incredibly hard to deal with, but he needs to collect himself. 

In his mind office, he will sweep up the broken glass and wilted flowers, and reorganize his file cabinet. He will place the memory of Yamaguchi and his rain boots back on his desk, and straighten his thoughts, all on the walk to school. 

His umbrella shields him from the light rain, and his feet avoid all puddles on the ground. His phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out, bracing himself, but it’s just Kageyama. 

_From: kageyama tobio_

_8:23 AM - We have practice after school, right?_

Coach Ukai moved afternoon practice this week to Monday, because the gym is being used on Tuesday. 

_To: kageyama tobio_

_8:24 AM - yes_

_To: kageyama tobio_

_8:24 AM - hope you weren’t stupid enough to forget your stuff_

_From: kageyama tobio_

_8:24 AM - Shut up_

Kei shuts his phone off and goes back to his thoughts. Sugawara confessed to Sawamura while drunk and at a party. Kei wonders how the couples from the other schools got together. How did Kuroo pull Kozume’s attention from his games? Was it Kozume that told Kuroo of his feelings?

Did Akaashi talk to Bokuto, or did Bokuto talk to Akaashi? Did it matter? Would it have changed anything for them?

What if Yamaguchi gets to Kei before Kei can get to him? Kei decides he won’t let him. 

How exactly does he want to do this, though? 

All he knows is that he will. He’ll figure it out. He’s going to acknowledge what they’ve been ignoring for far too long. 

He’s going to fix this. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

His method of “fixing” things gets increasingly difficult as the day goes on. It’s the first day back to school, so there’s not too much serious work, and most everybody is distracted by seeing each other again, even though winter break was literally only a week. 

By the time volleyball practice starts, Kei has said a total of ten words to Yamaguchi for the whole day. It was way too hard to try not to spark a _you didn’t answer my text last night_. Kei successfully talked him out of any such subjects by not talking at all. Now they’re in the club room changing, though, and Kei is staring hard at the school uniform in his hands to keep him from staring at a certain freckled back next to him. 

Again, difficult. 

In the gym, Yamaguchi keeps missing his serves and receives. Kei’s blocking has been completely ineffective against Hinata and Kageyama’s nasty quick. Kei is sure that even the two of them can see that something is up between him and Yamaguchi. 

Ukai and Takeda can _definitely_ see it, because only a moment after Yamaguchi flubs yet another receive, Ukai calls, “Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, meet me over here!”

Kei and Yamaguchi walk over, slowly, like guilty dogs. 

“Yes, coach?” Yamaguchi says. 

Ukai regards them, chin up. He says roughly, “You two need to get it together before—“

Takeda smacks his arm. “There’s clearly something going on between the two of you,” he starts, much more gently, “but the Spring Interhigh is soon, so you need to work whatever it is out if you want to improve any. Got it?”

“Yes, sensei,” they say at the same time. Yamaguchi throws him a sidelong glance. Kei meets his eyes for only a second. 

He turns back to the court. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when ur stubborn enough to literally ignore the boy you’re in love with because you kinda wanna beat him
> 
> anyway i had to throw the “calm and composed character loses all sense of composure” trope in there somewhere, come on, i put it in everything
> 
> remember when i said i was only projecting a little? yeah, haha, who are you fooling, self?


	6. a confession, kind of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAMAGUCHI TADASHI I LOVE YOU THE MOSTEST!!!!!!!!

When Kei waits for Yamaguchi in the club room, Yamaguchi is very clearly confused. 

“Bye guys!” Hinata says. He links arms with Kageyama, and they walk out together. 

“Yeah, bye,” Yamaguchi replies, distracted. His eyes are on Kei as he pulls his shirt back on and puts his stuff in his bag. 

Kei’s eyes are on the hem of his own threadbare sweater. It’s worn from years of wearing it under coats in the winter. Sometimes it ends up at Yamaguchi’s house, and he doesn’t get it back for a week or so. 

It’s not like he doesn’t like Yamaguchi taking his clothes. Quite the opposite, actually. He’d never admit it, though. 

Yamaguchi takes his umbrella from the shelf and opens it once they’re outside. 

“Tsukki—“

“Hold on.”

Yamaguchi stares at him. 

“Just—wait until we get out of school,” Kei says. 

“Uh. Okay.” There is silence for a few moments, but Kei can tell Yamaguchi can’t stand it. 

“How was your day, Tsukki?” He sounds a little irritated. 

Kei is appalled by his attempt at small talk. How was his _day_? He was with Yamaguchi for most of it. He spoke the least amount of words possible. He’s absolutely sure Yamaguchi can guess how his day was. 

“Bad.”

“Ah. At least you’re being honest, I guess.” Yamaguchi starts to bounce his umbrella up and down, making a low flapping sound. Kei smiles. 

When they leave the grounds of school, Kei begins. 

“Okay, I—“

“Nope. I’m going first,” Yamaguchi says suddenly. 

“Uh—“

“Let’s see…Number one, I hope you have a good explanation here, because I text you to ask you to talk, you don’t answer, and then you practically ignore me for the next day, even though we literally spend almost every bit of school together.”

“Well, that’s what—“

“Shh. Not done. I’m gonna talk to you about this, because we’ve both been avoiding it, I know we’ve both been avoiding it, and we need to take care of it. Can we—first of all, can we talk about that day on the trip? Because that was _definitely_ something, don’t try to tell me it wasn’t.”

Kei does not say anything. He thinks Yamaguchi would interrupt him if he even tried. 

“Good. Tsukk—Kei, we’ve been, like, tip toeing around the prospect of _us_ for a long time, and I know you know that. I know you do, and I haven’t wanted to do anything about it because—“

“Hey, Bug—“

“Don’t ‘ _hey, Bug’_ me. Listen. I haven't wanted to do anything about it because I don’t know why _you’re_ holding back, but then you almost frickin’ _kissed_ me when we were in the mountains and _goodness_ , Tsukki, I just don’t know what you want me to do with all of these feelings and I—“

“Tadashi—“

“ _What_ , Kei?” Yamaguchi looks positively exasperated now, and the freckles on his nose stretch with the slight scrunch of his nose. His expression is sharp when cinnamon meets gold. 

“I don’t really know how to…” Kei starts.

 _Fuck it_ , he thinks. 

He lets the hand holding his umbrella drop, and he swoops under Yamaguchi’s green one. 

He kisses him. 

“Mmph,” Yamaguchi says. 

He’s all warm lips and soft sounds. His umbrella wobbles for a second with surprise, but he rights it. Kei moves his free hand to Yamaguchi’s face, and Yamaguchi pushes against it for a second, a silent reassurance, even though Kei is pretty sure he’s not getting out of this with just a kiss. 

When Kei pulls away, Yamaguchi’s irked expression is replaced by a pleased blush. 

He blinks a few times. “Okay, I can't say I was expecting all that, Tsukki.”

Kei shrugs. He is similarly satisfied with getting something he’s wanted for too, too long. “Expect the unexpected.”

Yamaguchi smacks his shoulder. 

“You stupid, stupid idiot.” He tilts his head, contemplating something. “This is probably not the time, but it’s been, like, three years, or something, and I just have to—yeah.”

Kei nods. 

“You can be a total pain in the ass, but I’m completely sure I love you.”

Kei kisses him again, chaste and quick. He’s very aware that he is blushing. He’s not well conditioned with these types of things. 

“Me too. I’m completely sure I love you, too, Tadashi,” he breathes. 

“Well, isn’t that good to know?”Yamaguchi whispers, matching his tone. They both laugh, small huffs of the same air. 

This close, Kei can see Yamaguchi’s freckles even better. He likes being able to look at them in detail. 

He tunes back into the world around them. The rain still falls, and a cool wind blows with it. He’s sure they’re both cold, but there’s no point in feeling it.

He likes this amount of distance between them. Zero. With no more weird in-between, no more unspoken words. 

He thinks this version of them is the best they’ve been in a while. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

If Kei knows anything, he knows that a kiss, the big _finally,_ does not solve every problem. He’s analyzed too many pieces of media to believe that to be true. 

Of course, any of his doubts about Yamaguchi are mostly eradicated, but anything regarding his feelings towards other things are still very prominent. 

He still wonders why he runs. He wonders why he is unable to face his problems and his feelings head-on, especially with an organizing system such as his own. Perhaps he should try a little more. 

The next day is nothing short of great. Morning practice is as cold as ever, and Kei and Yamaguchi have their “thing” mostly sorted out. They’re still a bit out of sync with the rest of the team, obviously distracted, but it’s nothing too big. 

The team has clearly figured something is up, though. The new first years seem confused, but not really bothered. The third years, particularly Nishinoya and Tanaka, seem suspicious, and Hinata and Kageyama look too invested in their own conversations to pay any attention to them. Takeda looks positively delighted, and Kei can tell he knows exactly what is going on. 

When they’re just about to leave for class, he pulls them aside.

“Congrats, you two.” He smiles.

“Um,” Kei says. 

“Glad you guys finally took care of that. Have a good school day!” Takeda walks off, like he has not a care in the world.

“What was that?” Yamaguchi asks.

“Teachers are way too smart for their own good,” Kei states.

Yamaguchi snickers. “Says you.”

Kei rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi just laughs more. “Sorry, Tsukki.”

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

“Tsukki, are you my boyfriend?”

Kei raises his head at the sudden question. Yamaguchi’s gaze stays fixed on his 3DS. Afternoon sun shines on this face through the window, casting one side of this hair into golden, glowing light.

“What do you think?” Kei questions, looking back to his book. It’s about floriography, the Victorian language of flowers. 

“I don’t know, we haven’t set it in stone, really,” Yamaguchi says. 

“I would say yes, Bug.”

“You would say yes.” Yamaguchi nods. “Cool.”

“Very cool.” Kei smiles down at the delicate lines and blue strokes of the illustration on the left page of his book, held down by one pale thumb. The right page tells him that bluebell symbolizes humility and faithfulness. He turns the page and sets the book down next to him. 

“Come over here, Tadashi?”

Yamaguchi peers at him over the top of his handheld. “Of course, Tsukki.”

He identifies the warmth he feels as affection, wrapping around him like a blanket as Yamaguchi comes to sit next to him. 

He’s been trying to pay attention to his feelings all day, for the sake of avoiding any more broken glass and tears. Tears are some of his least favorite things, particularly when they’re his own. He places the flowers of his feelings on the desk of his mind, next to yellow rain boots and freckles and smiles, instead of behind him. These feelings of endearment might come in the form of red and pink tulips. Kei will arrange them in a jar, although he’ll have to cut the stems down. 

_This body next to me is something that has been there for most of my life, and something I undoubtedly want there for the rest of it. I would like to kiss you as long as I live, Tadashi, until I lie six feet under the ground. Maybe someone will put lilies on the dirt there, for condolences. Maybe they’ll be sad for me, but I won’t be. Partly because I will be dead, but mostly because I was with you for my whole life. I think that’s how it should be. I love you, Tadashi. I do. I have forever._

When has Kei ever failed to voice his honest opinion on something?

“I love you,” he says. 

Yamaguchi glances up at him from his resting place against Kei’s side before turning his face into Kei’s shoulder. 

His reply is muffled by the warm fabric of his sweater. 

“Me too, Tsukki, me too. You don’t know the half of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we all know kei likes it when tadashi yells at him
> 
> this is short, ever so sorry
> 
> also excuse my clear inexperience with any romantic things at all
> 
> oh!!! also!!! i have an art account on tiktok (@starsaw_) so if y’all wanna talk to me there, go on ahead.


	7. love is an open door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who’s back ;)) sorry for disappearing for a week lmao BUT i’m almost done with my hero so i got into it what can i say

Sugawara texts him the next day, with vigor. 

_From: sugawara koushi_

_4:16 PM - TSUKISHIMA. HAVE YOU DONE IT._

Kei slows his pace for only a second.

_To: sugawara koushi_

_4:17 PM - what exactly do you mean by that?_

_From: sugawara koushi_

_4:17 PM - you know exactly what i mean_

_To: sugawara koushi_

_4:17 PM - i did_

He’s not gonna specify any more than that. 

_From: sugawara koushi_

_4:18 PM - i don’t get any details?_

_To: sugawara koushi_

_4:18 PM - no_

_From: sugawara koushi_

_4:18 PM - you are a rude, rude man, tsukishima_

_To: sugawara koushi_

_4:19 PM - it’s what i’m best at_

The rain picks up, beating down hard on his umbrella. 

“If you keep texting, you’ll get caught up in the storm, and then we’ll both drown, Tsukki.”

Kei adjusts his glasses. “We’re not going to drown, Yamaguchi.”

“Hopefully Hinata’s okay on his bike,” Yamaguchi frets. 

“The last thing we need is to lose his spike.”

“What about his life?”

“Oh. Yeah, that too.”

Yamaguchi laughs. “We really should hurry up though, I can hear thunder, and the rain’s only gonna come down harder. Who were you texting, anyway?”

“Sugawara-san.”

“Really? I haven’t heard from him or Sawamura-san in forever.”

“Apparently Hinata still talks to them.” Kei picks up his pace, and Yamaguchi follows suit. They’re close to Yamaguchi’s house. 

“How did you, of all people, get back in touch with them?”

“I have my reasons.” No way is Kei telling him that he originally wanted advice. 

“Tsukki’s so mysterious!” 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

No one believes Kei when he says that he’s worse in the kitchen than Yamaguchi. He thinks it’s probably their view of the two of them as opposites, or as Kei being on higher ground than Yamaguchi is. Kei is seen as composed, where Yamaguchi is seen as sometimes clumsy. 

The two of them, however, know that this is not the case. 

According to Yamaguchi’s mom, he always took interest in helping cook dinner. That interest eventually turned into an interest in baking sweets, and things snowballed from there. So, if you know Yamaguchi well, you know that he knows his way around the kitchen. 

Kei, on the other hand, still has trouble cracking eggs without shell pieces falling into whatever he’s making. 

So, when the two of them occasionally bake together, Yamaguchi does the measuring and the cracking of eggs, and Kei does the mixing. He’s not allowed to do anything else. 

Baking only really happens when it’s storming, raining too hard to be outside. The power doesn’t go out often, and Yamaguchi always insists—

“Hey, we should make something. Like—“

“Cookies,” Kei guesses. 

Right on time.

“Yeah, the—“

“Power isn’t out, and we can still use the oven.”

“Yeah, Tsukki!”

“Sure, Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi’s mom is used to the random desserts appearing by now, but Yamaguchi always lets her know about everything he does. 

“Mom! We’re making cookies!” he calls. 

“Okay, sweetie. Use up those chocolate chips, will you?” Her voice is muffled by the walls and the sound of heavy rain. 

“Sure!”

Yamaguchi starts going through the cabinets to take out ingredients.

“Tsukki, would you ever have a dog?”

Kei doesn’t blink at the sudden question. He hums, undecided. “Maybe. Depends on the type. If they’re high maintenance and they shed a lot, then no.”

“You know what doesn’t shed?”

“A houseplant.”

“I was going to say a turtle, but I suppose a houseplant works too.” Yamaguchi gets the chocolate chips out of the cupboard. 

“Who came up with chocolate chips? Like, ‘I’m going to take chocolate, and turn it into little tiny dollops, and we’ll put them in things.’”

Kei has wondered the exact same thing. “Ruth Graves Wakefield, somewhere in America. They were originally just cut-up pieces of chocolate bars that she put in a recipe for cookies, but people went crazy, and they started advertising ‘chocolate chips.’”

“You know the weirdest things, Tsukki.”

Kei shrugs.

“My favorite portable source of odd information,” Yamaguchi sing-songs.

“Portable?”

Yamaguchi slides across the tiled kitchen on his socks, and bumps his hip against Kei’s. Kei stumbles. 

“Easily movable,” Yamaguchi notes. “Portable!” 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

They eat their cookies while watching a movie. This movie is none other than _Frozen_ , which has been Yamaguchi’s favorite for as long as Kei can remember. Everyone in both the Yamaguchi and Tsukishima households have it memorized by now. 

“Tsukki, you have to sing along.”

“No.”

“You have to. There’s no way you can’t.”

“Not happening.”

Yamaguchi turns on the couch and places his hands on Kei’s shoulders. He looks him dead in the eyes. “Tsukki. Whatever you have against this movie, you have to _let it go_.”

Kei blinks at him. He snorts. “Yamaguchi, that was horrible.”

“It was my best work, Tsukki, truly my best,” Yamaguchi says, laughing. 

“Are you boys watching _Frozen_ again?” Yamaguchi’s mother walks past them into the kitchen. She takes a cookie off of the baking sheet resting on the top of the stove. 

“You say it as if you’re disappointed,” Yamaguchi says. 

His mom looks at him with false remorse. “I am.”

Kei laughs more. Yamaguchi rolls his eyes. 

The television sings, “ _Love is an open door!_ ”

“That storm’s really not letting up, huh?” 

Yamaguchi looks at his mom over the back of the couch. “It’s supposed to stop in the middle of night.”

“ _I’ve never met someone who thinks so much like me!”_

“Well, don’t go outside, ‘kay?”

“We won’t,” Kei says. 

She leaves the room, and Yamaguchi rests his back against Kei’s chest. 

“ _You— and I— were just meant to be!”_

Yamaguchi breathes a small laugh, barely audible, and Kei knows exactly why. 

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

Thursday practice is nothing special, not usually. But, this Thursday, Hinata keeps throwing Kei and Yamaguchi pensive looks. 

When Kei misses a block because he _feels_ Hinata’s stare on the back of his head, he decides to just ask. 

“What?”

“What what?” Hinata asks. 

“You’re staring.”

“Staring? M’not staring!”

Kei sighs. “Whatever you say.”

“Oi, Hinata!” Kageyama yells from across the gym. 

“Coming!” Hinata goes to meet him. 

Yamaguchi appears next to Kei. “What’s up?”

“I’ll never know,” he says mournfully. 

“Dramatic.” Yamaguchi tilts his head. “Are they whispering to each other?”

From what Kei can see, Kageyama has lowered himself so that Hinata can whisper in his ear. 

“It appears so.”

“About us?”

“Why would they be whispering about us?”

“Because Hinata’s been looking at us both all weird this whole afternoon.” Yamaguchi starts to bounce the ball in his hands. 

“Do you think they’ve figured it out?” Kei wonders.

“That we’re together?”

“I’m not sure what else they could have figured out. They’re clueless.”

Yamaguchi giggles, but stops short when Hinata begins to run full speed at them. 

“Jesus, he runs fast,” Kei says. 

“I’m kind of scared of him.”

“You guys are like us!” Hinata shouts, skidding to a stop right in front of them. Kei and Yamaguchi take a synchronized step back. 

“How?” Yamaguchi asks. 

“Yeah, I’d rather not be compared to you two,” Kei quips. Yamaguchi laughs. 

“Shh. Be quiet for one second, Four Eyes.” Hinata waves his hands. “You guys went from friends to dating! Like me and Kageyama!”

Kei raises his hands to adjust his glasses, but puts them down again, because he’s wearing his sports glasses. He’s starting to think that he doesn’t usually adjust his glasses because they need adjusting. “Do you have to be so loud all of the time?” he complains.

Of course, because of Hinata’s volume, everyone in the gym is looking at them now. Ennoshita continues to look tired, and Ukai stares at them for a second before turning back to his conversation with Takeda, who also looks entirely unaffected. 

“Sorry,” Hinata says. “But! I connected the dots!”

“You did indeed, Hinata. Good job.” Yamaguchi pats him on the shoulder, then walks off to put his volleyball in the bin. Kei just stares at his back, feeling a little betrayed to have been left to deal with Hinata alone. 

“I’m gonna leave now,” he says. 

“Awww, but I’m only getting started, Stingyshima!”

“And I do not care. Goodbye.” He moves to join Yamaguchi in gathering his things to go to the club room. 

“Jerk face!” Hinata calls after him as he walks away. Kei holds up a hand in acknowledgement, but does not turn around. Yamaguchi is laughing at him from his place next to the gym door. 

“You’re a traitor,” Kei tells him. 

“Traitor Tadashi!” Yamaguchi says.

✩☽✩☽✩☽✩

The storm has left almost unavoidable puddles everywhere. At this point, Kei does not care that his shoes and socks are wet. He’ll just wash them later. Yamaguchi, on the other hand, is hopping all over the place, somehow keeping his feet dry. 

“Aren’t you tired?” Kei asks.

“Yes.” He does not elaborate. He just keeps hopping. His green Converse remind Kei of a frog. 

“Some frogs can leap 20 times their body length,” he says. 

“That’s far, Tsukki.” 

“And they don’t need to drink water.”

Yamaguchi looks at him for a second before looking back to his feet, still jumping around puddles. “How do they live, then?”

“They absorb the water that they're in through their skin.”

“Kind of like your shoes right now, huh, Tsukki?”

Kei looks at his own feet. “I suppose so, Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi laughs, a bright sound in front of the cloudy backdrop of the sky. Kei smiles at the ground. 

When they come to a stop at Yamaguchi’s porch, Yamaguchi ends his hopping with a jump onto the front step. 

“High ground,” he says. 

“What?”

He kisses Kei. Now Kei is the one who has to tilt his head up. 

“Oh,” he mumbles against Yamaguchi’s lips. 

Yamaguchi kisses like he savors every moment. He does not seem to be in a rush, despite the fact that Kei knows he has four pages of math homework to do before dinner. Yamaguchi kisses softly, and Kei feels cherished. He is reminded of his flowers. 

Each kiss is one more red tulip. They’ll fill up the desk of his mind, giving him something nice to look at while he tries to remember his history notes in class. He’ll find petals in every file cabinet, under every paper. 

Soon, he’ll be drowning in velvet flowers. His vision will be filled with crimson, but he won’t mind. 

Yamaguchi pulls away. “See you later, Tsukki.” He grins and trails into the house. 

Kei smiles at the closed door. 

He’s always liked the color red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and with that chapter, this fic comes to an end. i hope it didn’t disappoint /too/ much. it was barely planned out and a little poorly executed, (basically just a bunch of headcanons i wanted to put together) but i had a nice time writing it. things i write in the future will be better i swear lmao
> 
> anyway kisses muah muah to those of you who enjoyed this!! again, my tiktok is @starsaw_ and my discord is amira#5122 if anyone wants to talk. 
> 
> PEACE OUT YALL!!!!


End file.
